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Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/18/2008 12:25:18 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1522
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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Hello Ladies,
It's the end of the year again. Some friends have a knack for being able to buy a little something for just about everyone they know. Others struggle with what gift they might get for a parent, sibling, or relative.
I'd appreciate your thoughts on two 'levels' of relationship between Jane and Tarzan, and anyone can reply.
In the first instance, Tarzan and Jane have just met, and are casual friends.
In the second, He Tarzan and Her Jane have been dating less than a year.
Several questions are surely applicable.
1. Have you surprised a guy with an unexpected gift at an unexpected time before?
1b. Have you been surprised before yourself?
2. Did you regret surprising afterward, or were you glad you did?
3. Have you had a guy friend or boyfriend approach the subject of gift giving before?
4. Do you think such gift-giving should be expected, and each have one for the other?
5. Should gift giving be more for those dating than for friendships?
6. Don't you just hate it when you are out shopping for others and then realize you are thinking you'd like to own the item you are viewing??? 
Thank you for your replies. I'll likely slip back in here and share my thoughts, but for now, this is enough.
Where'd I put that hot chocolate? Brrrrr.
OneJohn410
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/18/2008 9:35:47 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
Status: offline
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quote:
1. Have you surprised a guy with an unexpected gift at an unexpected time before?
Yes. The guy mentioned in passing that he liked Neil Diamond. A few months later, I saw a Neil Diamond greatest hits CD and bought it, mailed it to him and he was definitely surprised.
1b. Have you been surprised before yourself?
A Just because gift? Hmmm...I can't say I've had anyone send me a gift just because....
2. Did you regret surprising afterward, or were you glad you did?
Never, ever regretted sending a gift to anyone. THe guy mentioned in the first question, we sent each other gifts every birthday for a few years after our dating relationship ended.
3. Have you had a guy friend or boyfriend approach the subject of gift giving before?
No.
4. Do you think such gift-giving should be expected, and each have one for the other?
Yes and No. Gifts should be given without any expectation of receiving. But a heartfelt appreciation is always nice. I never expect a gift from anyone.
5. Should gift giving be more for those dating than for friendships?
I don't know. I only give gifts to close female friends, and to dating relationships or when I go on vacations, I give special gifts to friends-male or female..
6. Don't you just hate it when you are out shopping for others and then
realize you are thinking you'd like to own the item you are viewing???
Nope. If i ever feel like that, I'd buy two--one for myself and one for gift giving. My 2 best friends and I always give each other presents and if it's a surprise present, we made a rule. If i buy a gift for one "just because", I have to buy the exact same present for the other so that there's no jealousy and no partiality. So, needless to say, we have a lot of the same items that the three of us own because of our gift giving, lol.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/19/2008 2:33:22 PM
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sudden
Posts: 167
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
Hello Ladies,
It's the end of the year again. Some friends have a knack for being able to buy a little something for just about everyone they know. Others struggle with what gift they might get for a parent, sibling, or relative.
I'd appreciate your thoughts on two 'levels' of relationship between Jane and Tarzan, and anyone can reply.
In the first instance, Tarzan and Jane have just met, and are casual friends.
In the second, He Tarzan and Her Jane have been dating less than a year.
Several questions are surely applicable.
1. Have you surprised a guy with an unexpected gift at an unexpected time before?
1b. Have you been surprised before yourself?
2. Did you regret surprising afterward, or were you glad you did?
3. Have you had a guy friend or boyfriend approach the subject of gift giving before?
4. Do you think such gift-giving should be expected, and each have one for the other?
5. Should gift giving be more for those dating than for friendships?
6. Don't you just hate it when you are out shopping for others and then realize you are thinking you'd like to own the item you are viewing???
Thank you for your replies. I'll likely slip back in here and share my thoughts, but for now, this is enough.
Where'd I put that hot chocolate? Brrrrr.
OneJohn410
Hello again OneJohn410: In response to your "gifting" questionnaire.
1. Yes
1b. Yes
2. Glad! glad! glad! - happy as a pig in...
3. Certainly not!
4. A true gift is not given with expectations of reciprocation or "payment"
5. Gift giving is for everyone! No exclusions.
6. Not at all. I just buy one for myself as well.
The first instance...Tarzan and Jane have just met. ALthough you don't say it, I assume you are inquiring as to what gift, if any, would be suitable. I think that if Tarzan and Jane have just met that likely no gift is suitable at this point as such might be construed as an attempt to "buy" something....that said, if a gift is to be given it ought to be small so as to not give the impression that there are any "expectations"
A gift certificate for a haircut for Tarzan to spruce up his image might be in order. (does denote a slight expectation here but Jane was thinking of dumping him if he didn't fix it up) For Jane - a twine bracelett - inlaid with twigs and seeds from the rainforest floor.
Next scenario - Tarzan and Jane dating less than a year? You don't say if they have gone on many dates or if they have been very casual. You also don't say they really care for each other. That said however, they could probably give something more imaginative as they will have a better idea as to what the other person would enjoy again, nothing big...for Tarzan, tickets to a ball game ...for Jane....costume jewelry none of these gifts to exceed what one would get for one's best friend.
Yours for lapping up the hot chocolate,
Sudden
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/19/2008 8:15:07 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3273
Status: offline
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quote:
In the first instance, Tarzan and Jane have just met, and are casual friends.
It depends on whether you're interested in her as more than friends, or just friends, or wanting to maintain the friendship as casual. If you're interested, then, go out with her first before you start buying her things.
In the second, He Tarzan and Her Jane have been dating less than a year.
How much less than a year? A day? A week? A month? six months? MY answer would depend on How long you've been dating. I can't believe that you're dating someone for a year and you still don't' know How you feel. At least after six months you should have an idea if you want to pursue something long term--even less than that for me. If you're dating someone, I definitely think you should exchange gifts if you're interested in the person. If you're not, then don't give gifts. But then, don't date them either, lol.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/25/2008 11:54:36 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1522
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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Sudden, and Prairiehiker,
Thanks for your replies... the more I looked at my OP I couldn't figure out how I'd meant to combine the questionaire with the 'time-lapse' Tarzan and Jane relationship. Very well answered, as usual.
Thanks!
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 11/26/2008 1:05:09 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 1077
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
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quote:
In the first instance, Tarzan and Jane have just met, and are casual friends.
In the second, He Tarzan and Her Jane have been dating less than a year.
One John, how do you come up with these questions and strange scenarios  
In the first instance, no gift is really necessary, if you've just met & are casual friends. I think a certain period of time and level of friendship has to be maintained for gift giving to proceed. But maybe that 's just restricted to my culture.
Dating less than a year - once you're dating gift giving is expected for birthdays and Christmas.
As to what to get for the person, I haven't a clue, I'm one of those persons who struggle to find a gift for another - it's a very torturous proceedure  .
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 12/1/2008 7:38:26 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12079
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
Hello Ladies,
It's the end of the year again. Some friends have a knack for being able to buy a little something for just about everyone they know. Others struggle with what gift they might get for a parent, sibling, or relative.
I'd appreciate your thoughts on two 'levels' of relationship between Jane and Tarzan, and anyone can reply.
In the first instance, Tarzan and Jane have just met, and are casual friends.
In the second, He Tarzan and Her Jane have been dating less than a year.
Several questions are surely applicable.
1. Have you surprised a guy with an unexpected gift at an unexpected time before?
1b. Have you been surprised before yourself?
2. Did you regret surprising afterward, or were you glad you did?
3. Have you had a guy friend or boyfriend approach the subject of gift giving before?
4. Do you think such gift-giving should be expected, and each have one for the other?
5. Should gift giving be more for those dating than for friendships?
6. Don't you just hate it when you are out shopping for others and then realize you are thinking you'd like to own the item you are viewing???
Thank you for your replies. I'll likely slip back in here and share my thoughts, but for now, this is enough.
Where'd I put that hot chocolate? Brrrrr.
OneJohn410
Tarzan and Jane:
1 - nothing is necessary, but, a little something would be a nice gesture, if you're able to do it, but, nothing is expected.
2 - again, like others have said, it's going to depend on how long they've been dating, but, if they're exclusively dating, it's expected for birthdays and Christmas.
The rest:
1. yes
1b. no - do flowers count when celebrating a graduation?
2. yes, I was happy I did as it was appreciated by the recipient
3. no, I've never been in relationships around my birthday or Valentines Day or Christmas, except for one year, and he got me earrings.
4. I don't think it should be expected - it should be done from the heart. If one is not in the position to be able to get something for the other - who cares? They can do something personal - that, in most cases, will mean so much more than a bought gift. (personally, I offer to do hair for people whenever I am unable to afford a gift)
5. yes and no - depends on the friends. I've got one friend who I've exchanged gifts with nearly every year since knowing one another, and it's done because we genuinely like one another - not out of duty or obligation. I don't like the whole competition over gifts.....I'd rather not exchange if the recipient is going to compare what I got them with what someone else got for them.
6. as said before, I also will get two! LOL
I've had VERY few gifts in my lifetime - only one pair of birthstone earrings nearly 20 years ago, and that's it. I've had a couple of bouquets sent by someone else, and that was 25 years ago. Since then - absolutely nothing. If I want something I have to buy it - including flowers. And even when in relationships, no one has gotten me anything - not sure why - just not happened. I guess they felt I was independent enough and didn't need anything? I love flowers, but I also know they don't last. So, something from the heart means so much more.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Gift Giving and Receiving - 12/3/2008 12:18:38 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1522
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline
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More great replies... thanks!
Ebony101, I sits down, I starts to think about things that could possibly draw an audience, I starts to type, then I try to type it up so it's got.... personality... personality... . Sometimes I read things, and if there's no 'draw' to them, I keep my 'carbon footprint' to myself and keep on reading along. Other times, there's just no way to not chip in my two bits.
Mutiny, flowers count. Gifts from the heart are the ticket, I agree.
Thanks again!
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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