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How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/5/2008 3:05:28 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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For years, it was so easy to believe conflicts between couples were all the guys fault....but some women have done some things to and/or around me that set my teeth on edge. Some of these women were the first to tell me of their husbands' flaws...but after really getting the brunt of some of their behaviors, I don't blame their husbands for feeling like their wives drove them nutso sometimes.
So, how can women be more enjoyable to be around as friends, and easier to live with as wives?
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/5/2008 10:18:28 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1523
Joined: 6/1/2008
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It takes two parties/people to have a conflict, an antagonist and an antagonized. You've got your teeth on edge at times, so for them to be better friends with you, they need to keep the family life to themselves. For women to be more enjoyable to be around as friends to other women... what's enjoyable about whining about your husband to each other? Is that supposed to be some sort of inexpensive marriage counseling or something? As for with men as their wives... well, maybe they should just lovingly stand their ground and let their husbands know that it annoys them when thus and so, and maybe you've got one and we can both agree to work on some change together? Followed up by then reward ourselves somehow?
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
For years, it was so easy to believe conflicts between couples were all the guys fault....but some women have done some things to and/or around me that set my teeth on edge. Some of these women were the first to tell me of their husbands' flaws...but after really getting the brunt of some of their behaviors, I don't blame their husbands for feeling like their wives drove them nutso sometimes.
So, how can women be more enjoyable to be around as friends, and easier to live with as wives?
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/5/2008 11:29:29 AM
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NoShow
Posts: 454
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
So, how can women be more enjoyable to be around as friends, and easier to live with as wives?
I always use things like "would you want to be friends with you" or "would you want to hang out with you". Meaning do you act\conduct yourself in a way that, if you could also be another person at the same time, you would want to be around yourself?
Of course, it's not always easy to see yourself for who you are. My wife has a habit of "instructing" when she sees someone doing something. And to make matters worse, if the person doesn't follow her instructions (i.e. they do it their own way) she gets annoyed. But her mother has the same "instructing" habit, and whenever her mother does it to her, my wife gets all annoyed. So I've gentle pointed it out a dozen or so times, that others find it annoying to get "instructed" as much as she finds her mother's "instructing" annoying. But my wife continues to "instruct", continues to annoy the person she's instructing and continues to get annoyed when her instructions aren't followed. And her solution to the whole thing is that everyone else needs to change. Her mother needs to stop instructing her and everyone else needs to not get annoyed by her instructing and needs to follow her instructions.
Now tell me, how likely is everyone else wrong?
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/5/2008 2:54:39 PM
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ajlewis
Posts: 194
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From: State of Confusion
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There are two things that come to mind -
DO NOT MOOCH
and, similarly
DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY GOOD NATURE/GENEROSITY
I recently chased away three different women who were "cut from the same cloth" who thought they could free-load off me
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/5/2008 6:06:40 PM
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mrtigger
Posts: 320
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
For years, it was so easy to believe conflicts between couples were all the guys fault....but some women have done some things to and/or around me that set my teeth on edge. Some of these women were the first to tell me of their husbands' flaws...but after really getting the brunt of some of their behaviors, I don't blame their husbands for feeling like their wives drove them nutso sometimes.
So, how can women be more enjoyable to be around as friends, and easier to live with as wives?
Women venting, griping, talking, etc. about their sweeties issues to others is one of my pet peeves. If I had a wife that did that habitually, I probably would wind up divorcing her.
My wife does not do that, or at least has done so rarely for serious issues. But it seems to be quite common in women.
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mr tigger
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/6/2008 2:23:31 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17763
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Well, after being around a friend of the female persuasion this past week, I would say not to let "little things" bother you. This seems to be something that women have a hard time with.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/6/2008 5:19:24 AM
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makarizo
Posts: 2997
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that is hard to answer "in general"
I think the golden rule applies "do unto others as you have them do unto you"
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/6/2008 9:05:23 AM
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willfs
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I think the above post is the best thing to put. Everyone seems to have particular sins they struggle with that can make it difficult for those they are close to. I trust that if I find a woman who is seeking Him, what he wants for her, and the type of person he wants her to be, that the "annoying things" will take care of themselves.
I guess for me: I have never been married but I have been in two relationships. The biggest thing that hurt me was when she was moody and said and did unkind things to me. I guess I am naive and it always surprised me when she could go from sweet nothings to the opposite in a matter of hours or even minutes. I am realizing more that changes in moods is something woman must all struggle with. And maybe I just need to learn to man up and take it.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/6/2008 9:54:59 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
I am realizing more that changes in moods is something woman must all struggle with.
Yes, but that is not an excuse for our behavior.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/6/2008 4:18:37 PM
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figmentPez
Posts: 2113
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Some ideas (from a single guy):
I am not "all men". I am not the icon of my gender. I cannot be all good things about men, and similarly I should not be held accountable for all bad things about men. Let me be who I am, and not what "other guys" are.
If you tend to get irrational at "that time of the month", for goodness sakes put in on the calendar so you can remind yourself that you're going to go temporarily unstable. I am not joking. I had a girlfriend who, once a month, would get all insecure and act like I was going to leave her, and then she'd apologize a couple of days later, for forgetting it was that time. 
Learn how to take a compliment. The proper response to "you look beautiful" is not "maybe you think so, but no one else would". You're permitted a "no, I don't" if you're sick, or sweaty, but if you're all dressed-up, please just say agree with us and say "thank you" or "I love how these earrings you got me look".
Don't tease me about things you know I'm sensitive or insecure about. For example, feel free to make fun of my penchant for using polysyllabic words, that's great, I'm quite pleased with my vocabulary. Make fun of my obsession for the minutiae of superheroes. You can joke about how long it took me to grow my goatee (it looks good now, that's what counts, not the weeks where it looked sparse). Even make fun of the fact that I can't sing well, but I sing anyway.
However, please don't make fun of me about things I've somehow missed doing before. I've had a chronic illness since I was a teenager, and I'm embarrassed about the huge chunks of life I've missed. Seriously, I had a GF who mocked me because I'd never made reservations at a restaurant before. Maybe it was funny to her, but it was one of the most hurtful things she'd ever said to me.
I'm betting that all guys (and girls as well) have things about themselves that are sore spots. Try and pay attention to them, and don't bring them up as amusing stories or use them as the target of good-natured ribbing.
Don't perpetuate the idea of a war between the genders. Men and women are not adversaries. It is not "us" versus "them". It's okay to team up guys vs. gals when it's Pictionary, even a little friendly trash talk. It is not okay to act like men are the enemy in general.
Don't make a big deal out of it when I like something "girly". Yes, I've been known to enjoy watching a musical, or a period drama/romance. I sometimes like crafting, or decorating other people's spaces. I listen to Superchic[k]. I like baking and cooking (and did before Food Network made it trendy). Yeah, so what? I'm a guy. I like being a guy. I don't want to be a girl. I'm not gay. I'm not effeminate. I don't like it when people, and it's mostly women, act like I must be gay or weird or something to enjoy these types of things. (See also: previous suggestion on gender war and the first suggestion about not being "all men".)
_____________________________
I make this challenge to all Christians:
Read Daniel 7:13-14
And tell me: Who do you say that the Son of Man is?
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/8/2008 3:12:33 AM
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randomcollegestudent
Posts: 9
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Ditto everything figmentPez said. Seriously.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/8/2008 9:05:01 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1879
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Pray more and gossip less.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/9/2008 4:05:45 AM
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Josh4LinC
Posts: 115
Joined: 11/11/2008
From: Minnesota
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quote:
ORIGINAL: figmentPez
Some ideas (from a single guy):
I am not "all men". I am not the icon of my gender. I cannot be all good things about men, and similarly I should not be held accountable for all bad things about men. Let me be who I am, and not what "other guys" are.
If you tend to get irrational at "that time of the month", for goodness sakes put in on the calendar so you can remind yourself that you're going to go temporarily unstable. I am not joking. I had a girlfriend who, once a month, would get all insecure and act like I was going to leave her, and then she'd apologize a couple of days later, for forgetting it was that time.
Learn how to take a compliment. The proper response to "you look beautiful" is not "maybe you think so, but no one else would". You're permitted a "no, I don't" if you're sick, or sweaty, but if you're all dressed-up, please just say agree with us and say "thank you" or "I love how these earrings you got me look".
Don't tease me about things you know I'm sensitive or insecure about. For example, feel free to make fun of my penchant for using polysyllabic words, that's great, I'm quite pleased with my vocabulary. Make fun of my obsession for the minutiae of superheroes. You can joke about how long it took me to grow my goatee (it looks good now, that's what counts, not the weeks where it looked sparse). Even make fun of the fact that I can't sing well, but I sing anyway.
However, please don't make fun of me about things I've somehow missed doing before. I've had a chronic illness since I was a teenager, and I'm embarrassed about the huge chunks of life I've missed. Seriously, I had a GF who mocked me because I'd never made reservations at a restaurant before. Maybe it was funny to her, but it was one of the most hurtful things she'd ever said to me.
I'm betting that all guys (and girls as well) have things about themselves that are sore spots. Try and pay attention to them, and don't bring them up as amusing stories or use them as the target of good-natured ribbing.
Don't perpetuate the idea of a war between the genders. Men and women are not adversaries. It is not "us" versus "them". It's okay to team up guys vs. gals when it's Pictionary, even a little friendly trash talk. It is not okay to act like men are the enemy in general.
Don't make a big deal out of it when I like something "girly". Yes, I've been known to enjoy watching a musical, or a period drama/romance. I sometimes like crafting, or decorating other people's spaces. I listen to Superchic[k]. I like baking and cooking (and did before Food Network made it trendy). Yeah, so what? I'm a guy. I like being a guy. I don't want to be a girl. I'm not gay. I'm not effeminate. I don't like it when people, and it's mostly women, act like I must be gay or weird or something to enjoy these types of things. (See also: previous suggestion on gender war and the first suggestion about not being "all men".)
Better yet, do it so that we know. That way, we can properly brace ourselves and be ready to confront the storm of emotions patiently, reassuringly, and lovingly. We cannot absolutely avoid the effects of your biological processes, but a heads up is certainly appreciated.
_____________________________
In Christ Jesus,
Josh
“Well,” says one, “I like to be my own master.” Yes, and that involves two things;
first, you have a very bad master; and, next, your master has a fool for his servant.
- Charles Spurgeon
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/14/2008 11:24:32 PM
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willfs
Posts: 349
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I asked a similiar question in the woman's forum: "How can the men in your life do better" or something like that.
The responses I got the most and the ones that stood out all had to do with selflessness. I think the ideal woman we dream of is someone who responsibly responds to what we need. Someone who is giving. Not a pushover but a woman who is strong and really cares about the guy.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/17/2008 12:37:11 PM
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MaleorderBride
Posts: 64
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I haven't read the responses, so please forgive me if I cover things that have already been mentioned.
There are several items that come immediately to my mind and I share them with you and respectfully ask you to take note of the following disclaimer. I know that not all women share all of these traits, but they are all traits I have encountered in women I have known. (And in a few men, but more often in women.)
1. Please stop putting all men in the same category. Not all of us are 'players' or 'cheaters' or 'lazy' or 'male chauvinists' or 'liars' or 'shallow' or whatever it is that your husband/boyfriend/father/brother/coworker does that bothers you. We are all different and distinct individuals with our own strengths and our own weaknesses.
2. Please stop changing the basis of a disagreement simply to be the winner. Admit when you're wrong, take responsibility for your mistakes and apologize when you've offended.
3. Please stop telling other women about our personal problems. Whether you're married to him or not, a man doesn't like having his faults and foibles bandied about any more than a woman does. It doesn't matter whether you're sharing a funny story or venting your anger, keep private matters private.
4. Please stop asking us loaded questions. If we tell you the truth and you don't like it, you blame us. If we lie to spare your feelings, you blame us. If you don't genuinely want the truth or the answer you think you'll get, then don't put us on the spot and get angry when we answer honestly.
5. Please stop holding past offenses against us. If we have apologized for an offense, corrected a mistake or eliminated a character flaw then don't hold a grudge and throw it back at us in future arguments.
6. Please stop assuming that we are mind readers. We have absolutely no way of knowing what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, when you're feeling it, how long it will last nor whether or not we had anything to do with it unless you communicate with us. The charge that, 'If you loved me, you'd know.' is just plain stupid.
7. Please give us equal time. If you expect us to share your interests, hobbies and free-time activities, then be considerate and share our interests, hobbies and free-time activities with us.
< Message edited by MaleorderBride -- 12/17/2008 12:46:14 PM >
_____________________________
Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.
Revelation 19:7
<= That ain't me by-the-way. I don't wear a handlebar mustache.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/17/2008 12:49:54 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3665
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
For years, it was so easy to believe conflicts between couples were all the guys fault....but some women have done some things to and/or around me that set my teeth on edge. Some of these women were the first to tell me of their husbands' flaws...but after really getting the brunt of some of their behaviors, I don't blame their husbands for feeling like their wives drove them nutso sometimes.
So, how can women be more enjoyable to be around as friends, and easier to live with as wives?
Honestly, I think the answer is almost the same for women as it is for men. Be first committed to your relationship with Christ, and seek to conform your life to his. Seek to understand how God views true femininity, and choose to model that in your life as opposed to the word's distorted view of femininity. I think most conflict comes when we are selfishly seeking our own desires at the expense of those around us, and when we put God first, all of the other relationships around us are put into a proper perspective, and work much better.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/17/2008 12:53:57 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3665
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MaleorderBride
1. Please stop putting all men in the same category.
I think you have just put all women in the same category with that last post, portraying them all with the worst stereotypes i.e. the same thing that bugs you most about how some women have treated you.
When ever something is said about ALL men or ALL woman, you can be completely sure that it is ALL wrong.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/17/2008 4:17:36 PM
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mrf084
Posts: 103
Joined: 12/14/2007
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I have no general gripes or dislikes. I try to find something to like about everyone I meet. It puts the friendship, if there is one, on the right footing. Bells, so that they can't sneak up on me would be nice though.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/18/2008 2:31:12 AM
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randomcollegestudent
Posts: 9
Joined: 10/2/2008
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Personally, I find it annoying when women gush over fictional characters. *cough*Edward Cullen*cough*
Nothing wrong with admiring characters, but after a certain point it can be hard to tell whether they realize they aren't real. And we aren't these fictional characters. Nor can we live up to the impossible standard set by these characters if that's what the woman is expecting.
I realize that, deep down at least, most women know this. But it's annoying to feel like 'you just don't make the cut,' when you're being compared to a fictional character.
< Message edited by randomcollegestudent -- 12/19/2008 1:53:12 AM >
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/18/2008 9:29:44 AM
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benelchi
Posts: 3665
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: randomcollegestudent
quote:
ORIGINAL: benelchi
quote:
ORIGINAL: MaleorderBride
1. Please stop putting all men in the same category.
I think you have just put all women in the same category with that last post, portraying them all with the worst stereotypes i.e. the same thing that bugs you most about how some women have treated you.
When ever something is said about ALL men or ALL woman, you can be completely sure that it is ALL wrong.
I think you skipped over his disclaimer.
quote:
There are several items that come immediately to my mind and I share them with you and respectfully ask you to take note of the following disclaimer. I know that not all women share all of these traits, but they are all traits I have encountered in women I have known. (And in a few men, but more often in women.)
I don't think you noticed the edit time stamp on that post that was hours after I made my post.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/18/2008 1:17:42 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3665
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: randomcollegestudent
He edited it at 12/17 12:46pm.
Your post quoting it was at 12/17 12:53pm.
I suppose he could have edited it while you were writing your post, but it wasn't hours after.
I would suggest you look again, the date/time stamp on my post was "12/17/2008 9:53:57 AM"
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/18/2008 3:54:06 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11752
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Topic, please, gentlemen.
I do not see anything about time-stamps in the OP.
Take the off-topic discussion to pm.
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/19/2008 2:51:36 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 351
Joined: 4/20/2005
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Hello OneOfHisJewels
Okay, here's my list.
1. Ddoesn't have a close relationship with Jesus Christ.
2. Ffails to consider differences between men and women.
3. Being fantical about her appearance, yet neglects inward qualities of Proverbs 31.
4. One that gossips and chatters on incessantly about the nothings of life.
5. A pushy woman who want to run not only her life but those around her.
I could probably add more to my list but ya'll might think I dislike women. But a true Christians woman is worth dying for.
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/22/2008 11:27:45 PM
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BadLuckBlackie
Posts: 7
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MaleorderBride
I haven't read the responses, so please forgive me if I cover things that have already been mentioned.
There are several items that come immediately to my mind ...
Great list. Numbers 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6 destroyed my marriage. Here are some additions:
2a Please don't make false accusations just to get the upper hand. When caught in a lie, or when losing an argument, some women will go on the offense. They'll attempt to create a smokescreen, perhaps by bringing up imaginary or trivial past offenses, or invoking a conspiracy, usually involving us and some woman she hates/is jealous of, but who you may have never actually met. Ladies, this will not gain you the moral high ground in an argument.
6a.Please don't be manipulative. If we've put effort into doing something for you, something that you specifically asked for, please don't change your mind and claim that "I never wanted that! You should have known! You don't listen to me, blah, blah.." Guess what will happen NEXT time you ask for something?
Please don't blame us for your mistakes. If you've had a bad day at work or school, we are willing to listen. We are not willing to be screamed at and accused of "doing something" to cause it all. "Door Mat" is not part of our job description.
Won't rest until you get the last word? Beware, one day you'll probably get it.
_____________________________
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way" - Mark Twain
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RE: How can women be less...well annoying? - 12/31/2008 1:42:15 AM
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skreyola
Posts: 2207
Joined: 1/28/2008
From: U.N.C.L.E.
Status: offline
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Ditto to MaleorderBride's post #15.
And ditto to BadLuckBlackie's post #24. Especially the last word thing and the taking your day out on us.
And these:
Please don't treat us like we're stupid.
Please don't say things like "If a man says something and no woman is around to correct him, is he still wrong?". It shows great disrespect, and we don't like being treated as though we can't do anything right, especially those of us who have one or more areas where we are highly competent.
Please show us the respect in listening to what we say that you desire from us.
Please don't expect us to treat a bad decision like an emergency. Especially if you wait until the last minute to ask for help.
Oh, and one I've encountered a lot:
Please don't treat us like human facial tissue. If we show we care, we might be interested in you, not just in your problems.
And I'd like to reiterate that these are not (and I think the other two gentlemen I dittoed would agree) generalizations of women but specific things that some women have been observed to do that women wishing to not be annoying to men would be wise to avoid.
_____________________________
-- Skreyola
http://skreyola.livejournal.com/
Linux is a multiuser, modular, peer-reviewed, free operating system. Therefore, it tends to be stable, secure, and reliable.
Open Source is good stewardship!
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