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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 11:03:24 AM
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Miss Giggles
Posts: 4413
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From: MI
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Yeah its hard to do! Good for you!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 11:48:00 AM
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moon_mouse
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
One time (Easter dinner) and aunt of hers said something to me about having four kids and that they didn't have any and rolled her eyes, and I politely said "So since when does what goes on in their bedroom have any concern for you?".
LOL! LOL! LOL! I SO agree! How did this get to be an acceptable topic of mixed dinner conversation. It's madness!
I started getting asked about babies when I was a teenager! I kid you not (pardon the pun)! When I started getting interested in boys, people (usually older "church ladies") started talking about how I would fall in love and get married soon and how many babies did I want. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I would say, "I think I'm really too young to be thinking about that now. I'm really more focused on getting in to a good college."
Of course the pressure really starts up when you get engaged, and then when you get married. After that, I've found that it follows certain touchpoints. The 2nd anniversary was the first. I suppose 2 years is the "decent interval" of adjustment to marriage for a lot of people. The next was the 5th anniversary. That's when the "why" questions started getting more prevalent. The really bad one was when I hit 30. I guess people thought my time was running out, and it was high time for me to get "baby rabies". I also found this was the point at which people started to get more angry, offended, and defensive. I'm not sure why. Maybe people felt I'd had enough time to sow my oats, and it was high time for me to "settle down and grow up" like they had. (Green eyed monster anyone, LOL!) Strangely, hubby turned 30 before I did, and he didn't get any of that....ummmm....let's just leave it at he didn't get any of that! (Double standard, anyone?) Anyhow, the 10th anniversary and my 35th birthday were less stressful, and the 15th anniversary (last week) passed without notice. Hooray! In fact the only mention of it in the last few years was from my mom, shortly after my SIL had her baby. She asked if it had brought up the "child issue" again. I told her there was not, nor had there ever been a child "issue". She changed the subject and hasn't mentioned it again. It will be interesting to see what my 40th b-day next year brings. Hopefully people have gotten the message that we're serious, and it's not open for discussion.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 12:11:04 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
I think some women are genuinely perplexed about why a woman would choose to be childless and they think that if a childless women would experience part of motherhood, they would just be dying to join in.
Yep. Humans have a tendency to assume everyone thinks exactly the way they do.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 12:42:59 PM
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sharonjef2007
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quote:
I know two families who deliberately choose to have only one. You should hear the grief they get; it's almost worse then choosing none at all!
I wonder what it is about this subject that people feel it is open to talk about and to tell people what they should/should not do regarding it. Perhaps our choice to not have kids/not have any more makes some people feel like our decisions are making a comentary on thier decisions to have them/want them?????
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 12:54:28 PM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sharonjef2007
quote:
I know two families who deliberately choose to have only one. You should hear the grief they get; it's almost worse then choosing none at all!
I wonder what it is about this subject that people feel it is open to talk about and to tell people what they should/should not do regarding it. Perhaps our choice to not have kids/not have any more makes some people feel like our decisions are making a comentary on thier decisions to have them/want them?????
I think sometimes people can't fathom that what's right for their lives isn't what's right for everyone else's. That attitude has gotten to me sometimes (not about children, but about other decisions I've made in life).
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 1:05:45 PM
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sharonjef2007
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quote:
It's a huge logical leap to think, "Sue doesn't want children. I have 3. Sue must think I've made poor decisions."
Sue probably doesn't care at all, or is happy for you that you have healthy children.
It is a huge logical leap. And, it might become the other way around in several more years as long as birth rates per capita keep going down in our country. I just hope that that Christian community does not take as strong a stance on having children as they have on marriage.
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my blog......Finally, a new last name!.......
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 1:12:31 PM
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TwinCityGirl
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My closest male friend (a good friend of mine for 20 years) told me several years ago "I'll feel sorry for you if you don't have any children."
I was *speechless*. I mean, what do you say to THAT?
He is so happy being a dad multiple times over (they have 5, and now he wants to adopt since his wife said "ENOUGH!")
I get it that he LOVES being a dad, but it made me sad that he "feels sorry" for us. Wow -- if you knew the whole story (which you're not going to get).....just.......WOW. That's just really QUITE SOMETHING to say to a good friend.
It reminds me of when Rich Mullins died in 1997 (Christian singer; car accident). And one of the women at work said "Well at least he was single." *I* was single in 1997, and I thought "Oh, yeah, it would have been SO MUCH WORSE if he had been MARRIED and HAD A FAMILY. I'm sure NOBODY MISSES HIM because he was single..." That's not what she meant, but it was such a stupid thing to say, as if the death of this man mattered just a smidge LESS because he wasn't married.
Wha???????
Jeanie
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 1:33:28 PM
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HisCovenant
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sharonjef2007
quote:
It's a huge logical leap to think, "Sue doesn't want children. I have 3. Sue must think I've made poor decisions."
Sue probably doesn't care at all, or is happy for you that you have healthy children.
It is a huge logical leap.
But we are trained to make logical leaps all the time- it's more socially acceptable to jump to conclusions than it is to live with reality and the facts and think through things logically. We do it when we watch the evening news, when we listen to a sermon, when we take our feelings as facts. I think most Americans would disagree with what I am saying and be insulted, but I constantly have to weed "logical leaps" out of my own life and mind.
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 1:46:06 PM
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sharonjef2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
I just hope that that Christian community does not take as strong a stance on having children as they have on marriage. what do you mean by that statement?
I'm 30, and have delt with a lot of problems because I am single. It seems that the Christian church and organizations such as focus on the family and such has put marrige on such a high pedestal. It is hard to be a content Christian single sometimes when there are several main stream Christian writers and speakers out there who say that intentional singleness is a sin (or allude to that fact over and over again).
So, I'm just hoping that as I'm sure the size of families continues to get smaller and smaller in the US and more people choose to not have children, that intentional childlessness does not become the new sin of the decade like intentional singleness has.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 1:55:55 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
that intentional childlessness does not become the new sin of the decade like intentional singleness has.
...or the intentional limit on the number of children.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 2:33:56 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 271
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TwinCityGirl
It reminds me of when Rich Mullins died in 1997 (Christian singer; car accident). And one of the women at work said "Well at least he was single." *I* was single in 1997, and I thought "Oh, yeah, it would have been SO MUCH WORSE if he had been MARRIED and HAD A FAMILY. I'm sure NOBODY MISSES HIM because he was single..." That's not what she meant, but it was such a stupid thing to say, as if the death of this man mattered just a smidge LESS because he wasn't married. OH, man!!! As a former long-term single myself, I am righteously indignant on your behalf that anyone would ever say such a thing. Wow.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 3:05:56 PM
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sharonjef2007
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quote:
ahhhhhhh....ok...that's what I thought you meant, but I wanted to make sure. (Hey, I am going to be 20 next month!!!!)
You mean 30?????
Read my blog if you have a few minutes to kill. I had a hard time with 30. It is fine now, but I had a minor meltdown at the time...LOL!
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my blog......Finally, a new last name!.......
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 3:08:25 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2634
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From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
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quote:
Christian church and organizations such as focus on the family and such has put marrige on such a high pedestal.
Focus on the Family's stated goals are to help FAMILIES! Why is that offensive to you? They equip those of us with children and spouses, in a godless society, to be faithful stewards of the blessings the Lord has given us. How is this a bad thing?
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
If you don't want people to insult your intelligence; don't make it so obvious that you have none.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 3:11:40 PM
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HisCovenant
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Being a family doesn't mean marriage and children, only. We are all daughters as well. And many of us aunts and sisters. It's not a bad thing to help mothers and wives, but it is bad to neglect the rest. And belittling to boot.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 3:16:14 PM
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clag4christ
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Again, Focus on the Family is there to help married folks with and without kids. If you don't like the organizations purpose then start your own for Single Daughters in Christ...or something. FOF is not belittling and I take offense to statements of that nature. They've done an amazing amount of good in this fallen world and for that I'm grateful...
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
If you don't want people to insult your intelligence; don't make it so obvious that you have none.
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RE: The NOT TTC Support Thread..... - 8/23/2007 3:17:14 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 645
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quote:
Focus on the Family's stated goals are to help FAMILIES! Why is that offensive to you? They equip those of us with children and spouses, in a godless society, to be faithful stewards of the blessings the Lord has given us. How is this a bad thing?
The organization as a whole is not a problem to me. They have an agenda and do a pretty decent job most of the time I think. My problem is with some of the people who they allow to present on their radio show. I have heard more then once about how choosing to be single intentionally is a sin and that just does not jive with me. Nor do the people who say chosing to use birth control or those who try to prevent pregnancy are sinning.
_____________________________
my blog......Finally, a new last name!.......
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I think a lot of the stress & drama people have in their lives could be avoided if they would put boundaries in place. To use the oft' used phrase, "People can only do to you what you allow."
Why do people feel the need to say things like that?!?!? 
