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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/6/2008 7:24:30 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3569
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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Really, I am OK with God's timing. I am just stuck. I keep putting off decisions on things where whether or when I have more kids would make a difference. I feel like I have come to the end of the map and I am waiting to know what will come next and how far away it is. Meanwhile, I have all these things piling up around me. All of them are reminders. I don't know what to keep or give away, or how to redecorate the bedrooms, what furniture to get, how to remodel them, what to do with old school books that are being grown out of with no one to pass them down to. It is making me feel crazy, and I regret giving up my uterus (even though it was healthy for me to do so). I didn't want to be at this point so soon.
I know that I will be ok. I know that God has a plan, and that this somehow was a part of it. I am just grieving right now.
I share this with you so that if you feel regret someday, and you know that it is stupid because of the medical stuff... that you won't feel like you are crazy or odd for feeling that way. You won't be alone. You are in a different place than I am so maybe you won't ever feel this way (I hope that you don't), but in case you ever do...
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/6/2008 9:07:36 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I'm sure I will have to grieve in many ways too, Lisa. I think it's probably normal for having a hysterectomy while still in childbearing years. My mom even went through a grieving process when she had hers, even though they had purposely not had any more children in 20 years! I really didn't understand why she went through that then, but I think I do a bit more now. It's just so...permanent. There is no going back.
I feel okay with it now. I had a hard time getting here, but it seems like I have no emotion about it most of the time right now. Maybe because the decision is made and I'm one of those people that struggles to make the decision but once it is done, I just want it over and done with? I don't know. I've lost emotion about a lot of things since the accident though. And gained more emotion in some other areas...it's weird and hard to explain.
quote:
I know that I will be ok. I know that God has a plan, and that this somehow was a part of it. I am just grieving right now.
And I so understand this. So. Yeah.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/9/2008 4:30:05 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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The date is set...November 12th.
I was okay. Until I got home and put the kids down for naps. And then I cried. A lot.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/9/2008 4:55:40 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3569
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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{{{{{Donna}}}}
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
W2D1
292 more miles t
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/9/2008 5:54:03 PM
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myka
Posts: 821
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(((((Donna)))))
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/9/2008 7:37:33 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 271
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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((((Donna))))
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/9/2008 11:48:12 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
Posts: 1477
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Oh Donna. 
(((Donna)))
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I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/10/2008 2:11:51 PM
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pumpkin
Posts: 1437
Joined: 4/1/2005
From: home
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Donna, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I understand the reasons why you have come to this decision, and I can sympathize with that. If I were in your shoes, I would likely decide the same thing.
No matter what the reason is, surgery can be scary! You are looking at a loss in your life along with the impending surgery.
When I have had surgeries that I knew about beforehand, I was very emotional from the time that they were scheduled until they took place. Then I found that I dealt with everything very well afterward.
You've had a lot of upheaval in your life this year, and things aren't done changing for you yet. Give yourself time and permission to be emotional. (not saying you haven't already, just saying... it's ok to do so)
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/10/2008 3:06:03 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Thanks, everyone. Especially Sandy and Gina for your latest posts.
I wish it wasn't a month away. I just want to be done with it and move on. I'm always like that when I make a decision...so impatient. 
In the month before the surgery, we have the men's conference Brian is going to, court with Nick's mom, Levi and Esther both have well-child appointments, three events/meetings for the Christian school, Noah and Hannah have dentist appointments in the city, Brian has three doctor's appointments in the city (one the week before surgery, one the day before surgery), Halloween and ToTing, PT three times a week, and who knows what else. Hopefully the busy-ness will make the time go fast. 
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/10/2008 5:52:08 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3949
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Oh goodness, Donna. You'll be in my prayers.
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/12/2008 3:48:22 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
Posts: 1477
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I do think the busyness should help some. That's one crazy schedule!!
_____________________________
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/14/2008 9:49:53 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1386
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
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Donna,
Know that I am praying for you NOW...and will mark my calendar to pray on the 12th as well...that all will go perfectly and you will heal inside and out perfectly...and that God will be your peace. Ephesians 4:12
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/23/2008 11:45:59 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
remember, when you go from being completely at peace to horrified, to grieving, to happy to avoid aunt flo
Cycling through all of those on a regular basis already. LOL Really trying not to think of all the "I'll never [fillintheblank] again". There's definitely a bittersweetness to knowing Esther is my last baby. Even though pregnancy is painful for me and between pregnancy is miserable, I really loved carrying life inside of me and feeling my babies wiggle around. I'll miss that.
But then...there is the thought of no more endo pain, no more agonizing periods (or buying supplies for them!!)...I know this is right for me and I know our family is full for now and in this way.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/23/2008 3:47:19 PM
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spitzu
Posts: 1103
Joined: 4/19/2005
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((((Donna)))) The sting of not being able to birth children is very real... I doubt it makes it less so just because you've experienced it already. You have my prayers and my thoughts.
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<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
Macro Monday #6
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/23/2008 7:13:36 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10218
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Crystal, I am humbled that you posted that. ((((((((((((Crystal))))))))))))
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Hysterectomy at 28 - 10/25/2008 10:49:41 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1386
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
But then...there is the thought of no more endo pain, no more agonizing periods (or buying supplies for them!!)...I know this is right for me and I know our family is full for now and in this way. [/color]
Just make sure that you keep "tuned in" to the changes in your daughters (even though they are long way off at this point)....my mom made sure that I was provided for, but I had friends whose moms just never thought of it because they didn't need supplies anymore...and that was hard on my friends, especially when the first period came for them.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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Christine 
my soldier! 
I still don't think I'd be doing as well as you are!
